More on submission

*****CAUTION: STRONG THOUGHTS TO FOLLOW*****

I really loved that post on Elizabeth's blog today. It really made me think about how I react to Brian and how many of these reactions are far from submission. I have had a whole day to ponder - uh oh! I said I would have more to say and so now I shall say it.

I believe submission to anyone or anything is a bitter pill to swallow in our society today. My guess is that submission has never been an easy virtue to master, but our "me" culture doesn't seem to help! Our world makes it seem the norm to refuse to submit to anything - whether to legitimate laws, company management, or Church authority. It's my way or the highway, buddy! So why on earth would submitting to my husband look like a worthwhile, appealing thing to pursue?

Why is submission so hard for me personally and for many in our culture? Because it requires relinquishing my control over people and circumstances, even the future. We might tend to label certain people we know as "control freaks," but aren't we really a freakishly controlling society in general. See, it's not just me! :))) We must control our finances to the penny. We need to control our daily schedules and that of those we are responsible for. We need to have control over our future, or "destiny," down to the minute. We go out of our way to control our fertility. We even sometimes find the desire to control God (ha, yeah, right). If I must control so much (and I know I have strong tendencies toward the "control freak" side), then I must control my husband, too. If I cannot let go of my need to control (oh, so difficult), then how can I let go and turn control over to my husband? I ask because I'd like to know how. I think it is a difficult task!

Elizabeth said the following in her post:


"'Yes, but...' I hear you thinking. But my husband isn't perfect as Christ was. I can't submit to a man who isn't perfect. I might be smarter than he is. I might be better educated than he is. I might be more thoughtful than he is. I might be more religious than he is. How can I submit to him?

The Blessed Mother was conceived without sin. She lived a sinless life. The only other person on earth who lived such a life was Christ himself. And they both lived under the guardianship of Joseph. God didn't make a mistake there. He could have saved Joseph from sin before he was born, just the way that He saved Mary. But he didn't. He put a flawed man in charge. And then, it took a sinless woman to have the humility to truly submit to him."

WOW! What a thought. How long could we meditate on all that? (I plan to for days) Mary was a sinless woman. And in her sinlessness she submitted to Joseph - sinful like us. So how can I possibly not submit to my sinful husband (sorry, Brian) when I too am sinful (yep, you found out)????? I just have to work at it! God put a flawed man in charge of this flawed woman, but his plan is perfect - that we know! Wait! It gets better......

Elizabeth goes on to suggest how we might live out submission in our marriages:

"How do we submit? We ask ourselves, 'What would Mary do?' I promise you she wouldn't pout, she wouldn't connive, she wouldn't demand her own way. She would draw heavily upon the sacraments to live a life of gentleness and grace and perpetual blessing to her family. Always. Not just when Joseph was behaving like the model husband. Not just when he was as holy as she was. She was a blessing when he brought a bad day at work home to the dinner table. She was a blessing when he was demanding. She was a blessing when he was hungry and irritable and when he forgot to take out the trash. We are helpers fit for our husbands when we are inspirations to them. We are imitators of the new Eve, the Blessed Mother, when our homes radiate the peacefulness and the faith of the little cottage in Nazareth.

Put yourself in that little cottage. I cannot imagine Mary grumbling or complaining as she went about her daily round. I can't hear her muttering about the menial labor of yet another workshirt to wash. I can't see her arguing at Joseph's decision-making ability. 'But Joe, I'm nine months pregnant! Get real. You want me to travel to Bethlehem on a DONKEY?! And you want me to trust you--a mere mortal of a man--to get me and this baby there safely? You're nuts. That's not prudent. And I know prudence because I know virtue better than you do.'"

So what does all this mean for me personally? So much of the same. It is all too often that I pour out my fault (it's the same one repeatedly) to my friend. I sigh in disgust at how I just got huffy or even angry at my dear, hardworking husband because he's not coming home as early as I WOULD HAVE LIKED. Oh, yes. That's me. I argue over decision making and even if I don't argue, I may only semi-submit. That means I go along with Brian's decision, but make it quite apparent that I am not thrilled about it. Submitting means changing these and other habits and allowing Brian to be the husband he is called to be. And it means to do it with grace and peace. It also means I must have courage. Courage to be different that the mainstream. Courage to believe in my husband and all of what God promises. Courage to let go of my control and let God work his wonders in my marriage and family. I liked the quote Elizabeth took from Fr. Lovasik which said in part that if husband and wife had the relationship of love and submission that Christ and His Church have, then that marriage would be perfect love and peace. What a concept! I like it!

I remember a Bible Study that I completed years ago by a lovely Christian lady, Elizabeth George. In it there was a chapter called "A Heart That Submits." She said some really wonderful things. She said that the main reason we don't submit is out of fear. Essentially we are "afraid of what will happen if our husband does things his way instead of our way." Oh, how true. She offered a few things to help us submit and then told a cute story about a woman whose husband loved to go to a noisy discount store. While there were many things this lady would have preferred to do and while she could have protested, she didn't. The book said she never challenged her husband's leadership. She just smiled, said "Sure," and got everyone ready for the outing. And she really did say the word "Sure." I remember our group of ladies laughing week after week at how we needed to say "Sure." It was a funny way to help us remember to be submissive. So when in doubt, smile and say, "Sure, dear." Try it! I think I am going to try it again.

One more thought I had about this entry today: Mary is awesome! I hope that any non-Catholics out there can see why we Catholics love her so. She is the perfect model. She has so much to show me about how to be a woman, a wife, a mother and a perfect Christian! Daily I pray for Mary to guide me through my choices in my day. I want to be like her. Then I will know how to love Jesus perfectly as she did.

Well, I think that's all I have to say. Enough already, huh? Really. I was just so moved by this post and felt the need to renew my commitment to submit to Brian daily. It is a choice. It is a hard choice. It is a hard, but worthwhile choice. And it is my calling.