Thoughtful Day

I must say that Danielle does her job well - she gets us thinking, she gets us talking and, most of all, she gets us praying. Danielle's post and all the comments that came along with it today have had ME thinking. Thinking about "perfect moms" and what our vocation really calls us to. I left a comment earlier this morning and meant what I said. But as the day went on, I read more comments and I thought more thoughts. I know Brian can tell when I have a particularly thoughtful day. I tend to gush at dinner AND while we clean up after dinner AND while we get the kids to bed AND so on and so forth.

I really enjoyed reading all the comments and I think it is a good thing to be able to take comfort in knowing that even the moms who seem "perfect" are not and that we can all share our faults and weaknesses. Elizabeth Foss said on her blog that Danielle Bean has flaws, but that they are "all good." Why? Elizabeth says, "Because we are always assured that God is at work in the Bean home. If it were perfect there, they wouldn't need Him. But they do need Him and Danielle doesn't leave you with the ugly imperfect; she points you to the beautiful source of grace." How beautifully said and how true.

We are all in need of our Savior's help on a daily, small item basis. I am not perfect! I say that emphatically. Not because I am proud of the fact, but because I recognize it and it allows me to seek the Lord's help with my imperfection and weakness. "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed."

I recently finished a lovely book, You Can Become A Saint by Mary Ann Budnik. It was a wonderful book about taking real steps towards holiness. Mrs. Budnik's work is based largely on the spirituality and teaching of St. Josemaria Escriva. One thing she wants the reader to understand is that sainthood is not a goal for just some "saintly" type of person, but for all of us. She makes the point that we are all called to be saints and that we can all do it! The canonized saints we know so well weren't members of some elite group, but were imperfect human beings like you and me. But they worked towards sainthood, towards holiness. They worked hard. WE must work hard. But we are all called to sainthood.

I believe I may never be canonized a saint. It is highly unlikely. I believe I will never achieve perfection here on earth. That's OK. But I cannot allow myself to focus on these facts. I cannot NOT work toward holiness and perfection. It must still be my goal, even if I believe I will never achieve it. I think that is the journey God wants us on - a journey with him, through our faults, through forgiveness and healing and to a more Christlike way. I am working toward Heaven and I am trying to help my husband and children get there.

I need lovely, holy, heaven bound mothers to look up to. I do not believe it is a bad thing. We look up to the saints. We try to emulate them and we are inspired by their great strides towards holiness. This is why we have them. They have so much to teach us. I believe there are other mothers out there who are meant to inspire me - so many of them! That is a good thing. If the good, the beautiful, the wonderful, the admirable, the saintly things another mother does or accomplishes, serve to inspire towards a closer walk with Jesus, then that is a good thing. I do need to turn to Mary for her input, but I believe Mary may also say, "Look over here Celeste. Look how this lovely mother is living. This is what you need to do."

I am guilty of laziness and ignoring things that need to be done. But laziness is a vice, not a virtue. I do not want to cultivate laziness. I want to constantly be looking for a better way. I want to work at making changes so that virtue will flourish and vice can be rooted out. I don't even do a perfect or halfway perfect job of trying for this. Isn't it easier to ignore the problem spot and not change it? But deep down I think we all want to do better. It's just the doing it that is hard. But I must. It is part of the journey toward Heaven.

* I do not like to dust. In fact, I despise it. Therefore I do not do it. So recently I sat down to try and think of a new way to organize my chores so it does get done. It's better for everyone in our home if it does get done. So far so good, but still not perfect.

* I am not good at changing sheets, but nevertheless it should be done. So I am working harder at finding a way to get it done.

* When Andrew was a baby, showers were getting hard in the morning. So I worked out a way to get my shower at night and then fix myself up in a shorter amount of time in the morning.

* I am not good at stopping my "work" to play. So I have to make an extra daily effort to play a game or be silly or watch a TV show WITH the kids or sit down and paint WITH the kids or turn off the computer and simply be available all day. It is hard for me, but my kids need it.

* I am sometimes annoyed by children's flaws, traits or habits. But I don't want to be annoyed by them. I want to love them and enjoy them. So I have to make a conscious effort to not let things bother me or to train them in a more loving way.

* I have a temper. I must work on it daily. Enough said!

* I do not feel like I pray well. It is always so easy for me to say, "Well, I'm not very good at it, so I just won't do it." But my responsibility is to work at getting better. To read a book that can be helpful. Or seek spiritual direction.

* I have never been good at saying a daily Rosary. Easy to put to the wayside. Too hard. Can't fit it in. But I should do it. So I am trying a new way.

* I have always overeaten and was gaining to much weight. Vice. Had to root that one out. Lost the weight, but I still have to work hard at it. Not because I need to be thin, but because overindulgence and gluttony are vices, not virtues.

One of St. Josemaria's focuses in the spiritual life is mortification. Doing the small things we don't like to do, the hard things, with cheerfulness and as an offering to God. And doing them well. Saying no to dessert. Cleaning the sticky spots on the floor. Spending time with the children. Making a difficult phonecall. Dusting. It is hard to do. But it brings us closer to Christ.

I know I have gone on long enough. But this all had me thinking so much. I am comforted to be surrounded by women on a journey. Imperfect women just like me. My imperfections are not the same as theirs. We can all learn from each other and we can all journey together. We have a responsibility to lift each other up, to be encouragers, and all the while still being real and authentic, no masks to hide the faults. Christ has called us to holiness, to sainthood. As the saints would agree it is the little things of everyday life that will either get us there or not. I want to grow. I want to change. To God be all the glory!

I will pray for you. You pray for me!